In 2012 Ontario stats showed that 7000 people worked as a paramedic in some capacity and Canadian stats from 2006 showed that 21000 people classified themselves as working paramedics. Studies vary in regards to the percentage of civilians who develop PTSD and put it around 10-20%, it is important to note that the EMS community has been shown to be 2X more likely to suffer from PTSD. One study by (Alexander and Klein, 2001) stated "1/4 - 1/3 of paramedics show traumatic stress symptoms in the high to severe range at any given time."
As this is the first post I will use it to introduce myself, in further posts I will explain to you why I chose to blog rather than keep a personal journal, explain to you what this blog will be about and provide you with access into my world and some of the calls that haunt me to this day. I will provide you with avenues through which you can contact me as well as provide you access to important articles and relevant information and websites that you can use or share in your circle of friends.
I am an advanced care flight paramedic who finished the critical care program and is awaiting certification testing....well, thats where I was less than a month ago. The other week my physician placed me on indefinite leave and currently am on short-term disability. I don't know if I can ever return to this line of work, what is worse is that I am not sure I can ever show compassion for another human being, right now I can't do either.
I grew up in Southern Ontario in a middle class family, my parents divorced when I was 12 and although initially it was hard to uproot from my original friends and neighbourhood I adjusted, made new friends and remained outgoing and also became quite involved in athletics. High school was fun and I was both a Jock and a socialite and graduated fairly well prepared to step into the working world. I kicked around a few menial jobs before moving to the Vancouver, BC area where I became heavily involved with the St. John Ambulance and started working as an Industrial First Aid Attendant. I settled in North Vancouver and while I was there I read a book that forever changed my life: Report from Engine Company 82, by Dennis Smith. I would become a Fireman just like my heroes in the book because it all seemed so exciting and the loyalty they had to each other reminded me of all the sports teams I played on when I was growing up, the problem I had was that in the early 1990's there wasn't a lot of Fireman jobs to be had so I chose what in my mind was the next best thing, the Ambulance Service.
The British Columbia Ambulance Service had a long waiting list to get full-time employment so after discussing my options with a few friends I chose to pack my bags and head back to Ontario. Within 5 years of returning to Ontario I passed the Ambulance and Emergency Care program at college and secured 2 part-time jobs with provincial ambulance services. The part-time jobs were fun but in my mind they didn't hold the excitement of the big city where Ambulance work was a rush, the lights flashing, siren screaming, weaving in and out of traffic and driving through red lights always going to calls that end up on the evening news or morning papers. I finally got my chance when I received a call from Metropolitan Toronto Ambulance telling me I secured a full-time position with their service. That Ambulance, that uniform, it made me a hero and heroes are invincible right?
I am now 42 years old, married to my wife of 17 years and father to our 3 boys ages 13, 10 and 7. I have worked in EMS for the past 16 years 10 of those were spent in the trenches of Metropolitan Toronto, but it could have been anywhere. This is where this journey starts this is the path we are going to walk down...together because this is where a lot of my struggles came from. This job has changed me from the outgoing, fun-loving jovial person I once was into someone else. I am a statistic, another paramedic who struggles with PTSD. The person I have become is best described by my Doctors description on my medical form, "it is my observation and assessment that (damagedgoods.....the alias I will call myself here) does display known symptoms of Vicarious Traumatization such as social withdrawal, irritability, mood swings, cynicism, difficulty establishing and managing boundaries as well as what may be perceived as aggression."
It is my hope that you will join me on this path to healing and wholeness, whoever you are and wherever you are and know that you don't ever have to walk this path alone.
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